held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She
sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her
eyes. Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had
to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I
raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by
my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw
away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a
man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was
weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had
happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a
satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her! With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement
which stated that she could own our house, our car, and
30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then
tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years
of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for
her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly.
Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I
had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of
release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for
several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now. The next day, I came back home very late and found her
writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but
went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I
was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke
up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not
care so I turned over and was asleep again. In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she
didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s
notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one
month we both struggle to live as normal a life as
possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams
in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage. This was agreeable to me. But she had something more,
she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out
bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that
every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our
bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she
was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request. I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She
laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter
what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she
said scornfully. My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my
divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I
carried her out on the first day, we both appeared
clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding
mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of
pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She
closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about
the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her
down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to
work. I drove alone to the office. On the second day, both of us acted much more easily.
She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her
blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman
carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young
any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair
was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her. On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of
intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given
ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I
realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I
didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as
the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried
on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one.
Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I
suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was
the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and
bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and
touched her head. Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to
carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his
mother out had become an essential part of his life. My
wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him
tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I
might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the
sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my
neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was
just like our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last
day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a
step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and
said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove
to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking
the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I
said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce
anymore. She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my
forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her
hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My
marriage life was boring probably because she and I
didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t
love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am
supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane
seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap
and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked
downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the
way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled
and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do
us apart. That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a
smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in
the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for
months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She
knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save
me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the
eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband…. The small details of your lives are what really matter in a
relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the
money in the bank. These create an environment
conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in
themselves. So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little
things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real
happy marriage! If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you. If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life’s
failures are people who did not realize how close they
were to success when they gave up.....
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